What I'm Looking For

I'll be honest. I don't know what I'm looking for. Right now, I just want to have a fun time. I am so unbelievably happy to not be in my last relationship that it shocks me every time I realize it. At the same time, while I miss the comfort of having someone I could (sometimes) rely on when I needed human contact, I definitely don't want to be in a relationship now. Not if I have to fight through the beginning stages that always seem so nice at the time. I guess I just don't want to deal with that right now. I want the happy ending. I want the first letter in "Slay the Critics" at the end of Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 8, Issue 22. I know what the ending is, but I don't know how I'm going to get there or who it's going to be with.

For those who don't have access to this issue of Buffy, allow me to enlighten you. The very first letter was led into with these simple words from Scott Allie (the man who answers the letters sent in), "And now...a very special Slay the Critics. Please read the following letter, everyone." To say the least, he has never instructed the readers to make certain to read a specific letter. In fact, he has commented on getting flack from fans for not printing the entirety of every letter in the past. Yet this one was somehow special. I read on to learn the story of a guy who is not only new to Buffy, but to Joss Whedon in general. He told the story of meeting a girl. A girl who tried to get him to watch Firefly to no avail. A girl who he compromised with (without telling her) by watching Buffy, without realizing that she didn't even like the show at the time. When he shared his news, they agreed that if he watched Firefly that she would watch Buffy. They both loved all of it in the end. And now they are eagerly reading Season 8 in comic book form. Now for the important part, as this letter-writer put it. He ended his letter with a proposal to his girlfriend.

My initial thought? "Where can I find one?" But what about this story makes me wish it was mine so much? I think what I desire most about this isn't the nerdy boyfriend/fiance. It isn't the amazing and perfect proposal in a comic book/Joss creation. Sure, these things are both great and amazing, but what I really want is the relationship where happy compromises are made, where interests are shared and valued, and where life improves. Ha! You thought I was going to say I wanted the happy ending, didn't you? Well, I do. But it's not what makes this story or this relationship particularly poignant.

Yes, I know relationships require work. Yes, I know they're hard. But this is what I long for: the simplicity of just loving someone for all they are.

I'm jealous.


Buffy art from: http://www.whedon.info/