Thursday, June 24, 2010

Who Knew Anger Could Affect Me This Way?

I don't even know how, but I've been crazy busy. I mean, I've been dealing with a lot of stressful personal situations lately, so I guess it just makes sense that when I actually have time to myself, all I want to do is lay down and be exhausted.

Add to it the fact that my back basically went out last week. When David gave me a short massage he said it felt like I had three spines with how tense the muscles were on either side. That should not be the case. And since that was worked out, I've had crazy tension in my shoulders that was so bad the other day, it actually woke me up before my alarm even went off. Again - that should not be the case. The worst part is that I think I've managed to peg what is causing this physical tension: emotional stress.

Some of it is definitely related to my lack of physical activity to the extent of which I should be active, but more of it has to do with the stresses I've been going through related to people. Plus, as I was reading from The Way We're Working Isn't Working yesterday, I was hit hard by one line in it. The interesting this is that this line wasn't the point of the chapter. Nor was it intended to be so hard-hitting. But when I read it, I had to stop for a minute, re-read it, and contemplate just what it meant in my life. What exactly is it that I read?

"It takes less than ninety seconds for limbic system programs to be triggered, surge throughout the body, and then be completely flushed out of our systems. [...] If you stay angry after ninety seconds, it's because you've chosen to stay angry." (The Way We're Working Isn't Working pg. 131)

It's that final sentence that really struck me. The first one is the physiological evidence. The second is the emotional realization. I hadn't thought about just how angry certain situations had made me. I kept telling myself that it was all just my anger running its natural course and doing its own thing. But when I read that sentence, "If you stay angry after ninety seconds, it's because you've chosen to stay angry," I understood something for the first time: I wasn't letting my anger run its natural course. At that moment, I felt the tension in my shoulders tweak a little and it hit me that what I've been holding onto with this recent situation and even some older situations has been having a negative effect on my physically. It's been building for a while but with the new situation and what it has led to, this anger and stress has decided to truly manifest itself.

Other than this blog, I've actually already shared this piece of wisdom with a few different people. What I want to do now is to learn to let go of my anger and to honestly get to a place where it no longer affects me. Basically, I need to go from this:

to this:

Thank you Google image search!

But seriously, the point of all this is that I have unconsciously been allowing others to control me by harboring these feelings of resentment and anger toward them. It is time to take back control of my life and my body and to let go of these things that are lowering my overall quality of life!

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