I'm Back! (and) Am I a Jealous Lover? Discuss!

O! Hai thar!

I bet you thought I had left this blog to rot in its... not... being... uhm... posted in...ness.

Ahem.

BUT ALAS! You were fooled by my mere busy-ness with other aspects of life and blogging! To begin with, I've finally gotten Fun and FlirTea off the ground and begun posting there. This is where much of my writing time has disappeared to, so my personal blog has indeed fallen by the wayside for a brief time. Never fear, kind friends and readers! I am back and do intend to post with at least semi-regularity once more.

Other than the release of my tea blog, I have been quite busy in life and work as well! I've been spending more time with friends, going out dancing, attending an occasional concert, doing yoga more regularly, and... oh yeah. GETTING PROMOTED AT WORK! Success indeed!

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it here before or not, but I've been trying to get back into copywriting for quite a while and, after years of hard work and doing what I can in my company to get there... and suddenly I am! It took plenty of time and work, but I am the newest Copywriter (and Social Media Clerk) at Build.com. Yay!

Naturally, to celebrate my new position, my body chose my first full week in the job to get stupidly sick with a gnarly cold! Fortunately, I am getting over it now, but I still have a dry throat and slight cough.

But enough of the updates! Part of what brought me back to this blog at this time is something I've been thinking about lately. Not long ago, I finally was able to establish a friendship with an old ex-boyfriend I had very little contact with over the past 3 years since our relationship ended. And this friendship is a real one, where we are comfortable around each other and can even make jokes about the years we were dating.

Good times in Scotland with one now-ex!

Even though I was the one to finalize the end of the relationship and have never thought twice about that, recently meeting his new (unofficial) girlfriend and spending time with her (she's totally awesome, by the way), I was shocked by some turbulent feelings of jealousy toward her, him, and their developing relationship.

I've also been watching my more recent ex-boyfriend interacting with people and, in particular, some of the girls around the office. Again, despite the fact that I was the one to end that relationship and know it was for the best, I find myself encountering some feelings of jealousy towards some of these girls.

It's completely irrational, I know. And to be perfectly frank, I"m not even sure that "jealous" is the right word to describe these feelings, but it's the closest I've managed to get. I don't have any desire to be with either of these men, so why should I have these feelings toward them and the situation?

I think part of it is that is isn't exactly jealousy of them I'm feeling. I think I'm feeling more of a jealousy toward the actual relationship, real or imagined.

Enjoying a hike in Upper Park with another!

As I was driving home today, I thought about these feelings and came up with a theory. The reason feelings of jealousy are elicited by the relationships of these men is because I still feel towards them much as I did when we were dating. However, in each case like this, part of why the relationships ended was because I realized that the feelings I had were not love in the way that it would need to be for a life-long relationship. I have never been in love, so the way I cared for my now-exes has not changed, but simply been recognized and categorized for what it is.

I believe that the day I feel real, true love, I will cease to feel any form of jealousy toward my exes or their current partners.

So am I a jealous lover? I don't think so... because I have yet to love in that way. I guess I'll find out for real when I meet someone who elicits such emotion from me.